I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
