i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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