he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
