remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In America we eat man semen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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