I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
