I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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