Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
