i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
