Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
