hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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