My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
