so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
