That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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