if you like me you must not know who I am
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
