I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
