Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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