I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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