She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
