farters have to be the big spoon...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
