went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
