Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
