im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
