Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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