I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
