My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
