booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
