Porn is love you can see.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
