so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
