I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
