what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
