You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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