Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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