That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize