At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
