Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
