I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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