I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
