The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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