Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
