Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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