that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
