Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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