there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
