Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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