Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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