o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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