I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
