Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize