bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
