I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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