The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
