just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He felt like a one man threesome
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize