i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
