hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
