It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
