to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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