you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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