meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize