My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize