Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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