This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
