just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize