LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
