she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
