You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
