Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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